it wasn’t real
you being here. maybe its the delirium setting in from not sleeping but it felt like there was a stranger in my bed. i don’t think you realize the weight of the words that spilled out of your mouth “i promise nothing will change from my side.” you can’t make promises like that. two months may not seem like a long time, but it’s enough time. what i don’t understand are the words like slipped out of my mouth, they caught me off guard. i blame it on the lack of sleep. “i love you” i slurred in a hushed tone. the words spilled out of my mouth and onto the gound. they caught me by surprise. that’s not what i intended to say. nothing of the sort. i try to quiet you with kisses as you persistently ask me “what did you say.” finally the inquisions cease and all although you’re blind to it, my uneasiness has never been so conspicuous.
things i want to accomplish this summer
- learn some german
- put more effort into the way I dress
- get informed about the presidential candidates/politics
- read the newspaper more often
- work my ass off in chem I and II
- let myself heal
- make a photo album from the pictures from last summer and this summer
